Can J Lo Be a Naughty Mama?

They gone got rid of the nanny. How long will they last without one?

I think J Lo needs to join BabyCenter if she wants to succeed as a naughty do it yourself mama.

Here are a few tips for her:

1. Never get out of bed before the baby. You need your beauty sleep, too.
2. Resist the urge to wear yoga pants every day.
3. Keep your commitment to being a diva. This includes bathing every day.
4. Join NMU on the new BabyCenter. Those bitches rock. Agree with everything the group owners say so they don’t kick you out of the group.
5. Keep humping your husband. No one likes a prude mommy.
6. Walk around the house naked.

I know you naughty mamas have more tips. It’s hard to be all inclusive when your full-time job is being a naughty mama, so help a sister out! Leave valuable tips for J Lo here on how to be a naughty mama. I’ll makes sure to pass them along, since we both have the Latina connection.

xoxo, H&B

Tip O’ the Day

When giving your SO an handjob, make sure to switch hands frequently, before you start to feel tired.  Otherwise, have fun explaining to your Dr. how you wound up with carpal tunnel when you don’t even sit at a computer. 

Pleasure and pain can go hand in hand, but even you have to have a safe word.

Bad Naughty Mama! How Not to Be a Sexy Mama…

Oooh, I let the man have it today. For the sake of keeping his ass in check, I let him have it.

This used to be a common occurrence. He’d do something to ever so slightly offend me, I’d talk shit to him, he’d back down to get me to shut the hell up, I’d talk more trash, he’d finally fight back, we’d have it out, and finally, we’d fuck each other’s brains out to make up. So very exciting.

Until we both ended up as emotional puddles of crap on the floor.

So we live and learn. Now I pick my battles much more wisely, as in, I only rip people new ones on the Internet because that’s what’s really important. I kid. No, I pick my battles with the man. There’s nothing more unattractive and sexy than a naggy wife or girlfriend. You can be as hot as Ms. Hawt and Bothered, and it still gets old after a while. Can I get a hell yeah?

This battle was over habits of the spending variety. As in, the man is constantly losing nail clippers and razors and such and turning around faster than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest to buy replacements. So you say, “Ah, it’s just $12.” Um hmmmm. Times 7 times in one month.

Now, even that ends up being less than $100…but. Aw fuck it, who knows. That was just my battle this week, okay?

So I verbally kicked his ass over the phone. Then we made up. Tonight we will talk about it and hopefully grow from it. Mission accomplished. Man in check. Does Hawt and Bothered need to check herself?

What do you naughty bitches think? How often and about what do you pick on your man? Do you wait for the proverbial camel’s back to break, or do you employ a constant nag, a la Chinese water torture?

What is Your Secret Fetish?

Everyone has one. A fetish they would rather die than reveal. Remember that season on Desperate Housewives, back when we found out Bree’s now dead husband liked being dominated? And by dominated, I mean chained, bound, gagged, and whipped? (now, there’s a fantasy I would love to create…)

Your fetish can be something simple such as I like my toes being sucked, all the way to the really kinky, I like to torture guys like the naughty librarian from TomCats!

My biggest fetish? I love biting. It’s such a turn on for me to sink my teeth into flesh. Yes, I admit I am a freak. I also like being dominated. I love being held down, one hand holding my hands, the other at my neck. See? You know mine, now tell me yours…

Happy Birthday to NMU

Ahhhh, a rebirth. This is going to be so much fun! Come one, come all.

Let us teach you how to be the woman your man wants to have an affair with.

Let us share our stories of ass-kicking unladylike behavior.

Because isn’t that why you’re here?

xoxo H&B