Hubba Hubba Put His Naughty Mama in Check

Wow.

Miss Hawt and Bothered is as naughty as they come, but last night her husband delivered a shockingly candid assessment of…some things.

I admit it. I’m spoiled! He provides all the tools I need to be a good and fun mommy for our child, and he provides perks such as the occasional bouquet of orchids, a well-stocked shoe closet, and other feminine amenities. Sometimes I forget how lucky I am to be married to such a near perfect specimen of hunk.

Was Miss Hawt and Bothered being a little too naughty for a little too long? Methinks yes.

This morning, after crying myself to sleep last night, I awakened with a newfound respect for Mr. Hawt and Bothered. Am I still miffed? Hell yeah. But my man stood up for what he believed in, and I’m awfully proud of him for it.

Ass.

Still though, what is it about a man authoritatively standing his ground and sprinkling in “I Love You’s” that gets me thinking of naughty ways to punish him?

This is the perfect opportunity to choose to be either a mean, naggy wife, or a wife who punishes her mate with whipped cream and leather whips. I figure since he’s stuck with me for the next 80 years, I’ll go with the whipped and whip.

He will definitely see the best of me…next time we meet.

Sexy sexy, H&B

Old School Naughty Mamas

There have always been naughty mamas, even in times of repression. Here to prove it…the Taintorettes!

Ever heard of Anne Taintor products? They are pictures of women from the 50’s and other long gone decades that have witty little kick-ass sayings on them. In fact, several of you probably use Anne Taintor knockoff graphics as avatars in the cyberworld.

Well. Anne Taintor has found some of the actual models for the photographs, and to see them now and read their stories puts a little smile on your face.

Meet the Taintorettes!

We could probably all learn a few naughty lessons from the original naughty mamas.

xoxo H&B

Fucking, Making Love, or just sex?

Last night as I lay in bed after a wonderful fuck session, my SO leaned over and tried to cuddle with me. Instantly, I pushed him away while looking at him like he was crazy. Which hurt his feelings, but DAMN! After fucking, I don’t want to be touched! I want to bask in the feeling of being ridden hard and riding hard. There are rules damn it!

Before stating the rules for each one, we need to explain what each one really is so people don’t get confused.

Making Love: Candles, harps, long drawn out foreplay. Have you seen Cruel Intentions? The scene where Ryan and Reece have sex for the first time? Yeah, that’s making love. Just imagine the song ColorBlind in the background.

Sex: Some foreplay. Mostly ORAL foreplay and fingers to get you heightened before you get to the main event. The main event can last from 5 minutes to 4 hours. Any less than 5, it doesn’t even count on the list, more than 4 hours? He needs to call his doctor. The Viagra isn’t working right. Or he did too much coke. Either way, a doctor is needed. Especially for your now worn out vagina. Let’s Get It On is playing in the background

Fucking: My favorite. No foreplay needed. Fucking is rough, straight to the action. Smacking, slapping, hair pulling, choking… Any of these can be used during fucking (they are NEEDS for me). In some fuck sessions, a man has been known to slap a girl in the face with his dick. Enjoy it bitch. Who gives a fuck what’s playing in the background.

Rules of Fucking, Making Love, or Sex:

Making Love: Snuggling and cuddling is a must after this. Naked bodies intertwined as you continue to touch each other and kiss. IF you don’t fall asleep afterwards, he should make you a nice hot bubble bath. And rub your back.

Sex: minor cuddling. Right after. Then roll away and get up to do something else.

Fucking: Get off me. Don’t touch me. Light my fucking cigarette. Don’t care if I don’t smoke. Light it anyways. Then leave.me.alone. Actually, just leave. I have shit to do.

Can J Lo Be a Naughty Mama?

They gone got rid of the nanny. How long will they last without one?

I think J Lo needs to join BabyCenter if she wants to succeed as a naughty do it yourself mama.

Here are a few tips for her:

1. Never get out of bed before the baby. You need your beauty sleep, too.
2. Resist the urge to wear yoga pants every day.
3. Keep your commitment to being a diva. This includes bathing every day.
4. Join NMU on the new BabyCenter. Those bitches rock. Agree with everything the group owners say so they don’t kick you out of the group.
5. Keep humping your husband. No one likes a prude mommy.
6. Walk around the house naked.

I know you naughty mamas have more tips. It’s hard to be all inclusive when your full-time job is being a naughty mama, so help a sister out! Leave valuable tips for J Lo here on how to be a naughty mama. I’ll makes sure to pass them along, since we both have the Latina connection.

xoxo, H&B