Do Good Girls Know What Boys Like?

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

If this is the kind of thing you really believe, then you are probably a good girl. I think it’s safe to say many a man buys the cow even though he got the milk for free. You may have been a bad girl at one time, but you’re totally a goodie two shoes now if you subscribe to this belief! And that’s what your man has always wanted, right? A good girl? You sure about that? He’s always dreamed of coming home to a girl with ribbons in her hair, and he never EVER fantasizes about his ginormously endowed sexy coworeker who doesn’t give a rat’s behind whether she gives her milk up for free or for fiddy dollars. In fact, she’s more of a straight gin on the rocks type of gal than a milky cow. Not that all my goodie two shoes girlfriends are cows.

Er, come back good girls. We love you. We want to BE you. In public, many of us probably ARE you. But in the bedroom, you may need our slutty assistance. Let’s be symbiotic now!

Here are some friendly tips to ease into your inner bedroom slutness (beginners only), because you don’t want to scare your victim man by turning from Goldilocks to Dominatrix overnight.

• Instead of those fuzzy long pants jammies or frumpy tee-shirts you’ve been wearing to bed, try something a little more revealing, slutty if you will. Shorten the pants. Switch to a tank. Already there? Then make it boy shorts, or lacy boy shorts. You get it.
• Been huffing and puffing cleaning all day? Take a quickie rinse 20 minutes before your dear husband (DH) gets home. Nuzzle your smell-goodness into his neck as soon as he gets home, and tell him how much you missed him.
• For Pete’s sake, wear some high heels would you! Would it kill you to ditch the Crocs and the tennies for a few hours a day? Give him something to fantasize about at work next time little Miss Suzy Q tries to direct his eyes to her bosom.
• Give him a quickie. Not sex, you perverts! A massage. Someone once told me 95% of massages lead to sex. Is it true? Who knows. Who cares! Just make it happen, in your innocent little way.
• Use your words. Try saying something such as, “Sweetie, have you ever thought about being a little rougher with me in the bedroom or trying something different (have naieve, innocent sounding examples ready just in case he asks for some)? If so, feel free to try. You know I just want to make you happy.”

If any of the above make you barf, and you’re thinking we are turning back the feminism hands of time, remember this is just your way of getting to that ever so elusive female orgasm–the suckers!

Now get to work. And report back with all the lurid details.

xoxo, Ms. Hawt and Bothered